so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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