You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize