jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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