dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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