After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
