That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
