I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A+ Viking dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
