it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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