So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
