this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
