If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
