Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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