There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize