It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
