She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
