If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
