When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
