Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
