just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
