Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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