I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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