Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
this boner is exhausting
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize