just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
