so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
