the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
