First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize