whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
