He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
