She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
