he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
