I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize