which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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