He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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