Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
