So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
