so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Screwed.edu
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
