don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
