So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
