I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Never joke about your clitoris.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
