There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My ass is underappreciated
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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