I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
