i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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