He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
