NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
