just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
