How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
