It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
