Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
