Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
