3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize