i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
