He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
