Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
