It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
