My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
