I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
not ubering you a puppy
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
