somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I am morally bankrupt
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This is classic penis vs brain.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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