end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
