clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize