Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
