so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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