then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
