You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
