Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hippo gnu deer
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
