I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
