I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I need a burrito and a hug.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
