If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
