well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
