Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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