my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
