So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
