It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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