i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
