and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
