I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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