you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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