were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
