did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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