Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
