No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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