My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want a musical about memes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
