i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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