A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
