If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
