I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
