I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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