is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
