I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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