Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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