new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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