this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
