i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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